Guilty dating after breakup
You will continue feeling guilty about dumping someone if you stop believing in yourself. You could have manipulated your partner by still being in the relationship just for materialistic benefits. That's fine of course -- but don't use the previous person as a "yardstick" against which you are measuring prospective dates. If it's still too painful to think about dating again, quit pushing yourself -- and don't allow others to push you either! Your emotional availability will have everything to do with two things; the amount of time that you have spent recovering from your divorce or the death of your spouse and your willingness to make yourself emotionally available. Understand and acknowledge your feeling of guilt as a natural human reaction. To make the unilateral decision that, "All men lie and cheat" or "All women are gold-digging opportunists" unfairly condemns an entire species because of the actions of a few losers.
You may want to rediscover yourself again and find out what makes you happy on your own terms. It was your ex's responsibility to do whatever it took to fix the problems as much as it was yours, so stop blaming yourself. To put this simply, you must trust yourself. Did you breakup because neither of you were unable to stop being jealous over each others' exes? It won't hurt you to ride it out alone for a while, especially if you feel there may be a chance to rekindle things with your ex down the line. Like it or not, you must first recover from the divorce from or death of your spouse and you cannot accomplish that kind of recovery in hurry-up fashion. Even you have your own likes, dislikes, preferences and needs that your ex was supposed to fulfill. Has your ex-girlfriend moved-on by going to parties with different guys while you are sulking in your room, unable to stop missing her? Everyone sympathizes with someone who has just been dumped, but the person who has initiated the breakup deserves a lot of credit for being honest and direct. You can try your best to alter the path of bad relationship, but all your efforts will be futile if the relationship has no future at all. Absolutely no one cares about the last 10 pounds. Similarly, there is a "bruise" of sorts on your heart that has been left as a result of a painful loss. For example, you are likely to be angry with an ex-spouse who was abusive or unfaithful. While feelings of guilt are perfectly normal, that same guilt can unnecessarily hold you back. Remind yourself of the core reasons that led to the split if you want to stop blaming yourself for your breakup. I once dated a man who had not recovered from being broken up with in high school -- 30 years earlier. Embrace the fact that you are not the same person that you were when you committed to the person no longer by your side and that you must take the time and patience with yourself to sufficiently recover from the trauma that you have endured. As a society, we are accustomed to either traveling in packs or with a spouse or significant other; however, you must be content with your own company both within your four walls and in the outside world. Do you believe that most people are inherently decent, loyal, loving and are looking for you just as ardently as you are looking for them? You Truly Will Know What do you do when the people around you start badgering you to "get back out there"? Every relationship is a two-way street and both partners are expected to do things that make a relationship work. The feeling of your breakup could have been similar to that of a painful and agonizing death if you had prolonged and procrastinated the inevitable. You push on it -- constantly. Stop feeling guilty about breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend by looking at your relationship as one that just wasn't meant to be. You could have manipulated your partner by still being in the relationship just for materialistic benefits. Once you have isolated, identified, honestly addressed and moved forward from whatever it is that might be preventing you from dating again, you will then be able to enthusiastically jump into the dating world in a positive way. After all, you are a good person and you did not deserve the pain that you are going through.
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